Somewhat Disconnected

Recently I decided that I should not waste time and feelings on one who is not interested in me. It sounds obvious but I am convinced that all of us, at some point in time, do this.

Give our attention to someone who clearly can do without it. Ignore the signs that say “Not that super interested” because we feel we just need a little more time to create a spark or the other person just doesn’t know us well enough to know they want us.

That is all bullshit but, because humans have such a difficult time dealing when people we like don’t like us back, we sometimes put up with stupid things and put ourselves in horrible awkward positions.

So recently, as I mentioned in a previous blog, I made the decision to stop all communication with a certain person because I just do not feel that the feeling is mutual and I do not want to waste him time or mine. I deleted all of his messages from my phone. Every last one. Now I have nothing to look back on (which kind of sounds weird when said out loud). I’m sure I’m not the only person who rereads old messages. I do so for several reasons. One reason is that I’m trying to get a sense of how the person talks and converses. I want to establish consistency so I know when something is off. Again, that sounds kind out weird when said out loud. I may as well confess to being a spy.

Anywho, all of his messages are gone from my phone. To you this may not sound like that big of a deal. At first I was shocked that I even went through with it because I am sort of a hoarder of words. I tend to not delete texts until my phone says I must. But from there I went on to delete other old messages from people I am still very fond of. It’s kind of like a cleansing or purging where I’m getting rid of useless junk to make room to more meaningful things. I need to do this in other areas of my life, too.

So, what started with my phone will branch out to my room. My room is always in a state of organized chaos. In order to have a clear mind, I think I should live in a clear space. So I will try to organize my room and keep things where they belong. I will then move on to my relationships. My social life will be clear of people who really don’t want much to do with me and don’t want the best for me.

I am on a mission to disconnect myself from all things that will keep me grounded in uncertainty and chaos. This will be harder than I sounds but I’m up for the challenge.